I know I have a lot of things to do. Have to do them. I know. But I dont seem to have enough wherewithal, I dont seem to have enough energy, I dont seem to have the sense of urgency, to do them. It was like when I was in college and I knew--I KNEW!--that if I didnt study for the Calculus exam, Id flunk it. I didnt study. I didnt care.
This has got to be a symptom of something, and since we're just a bunch of chemicals, Im positing that I have some sort of vitamin or mineral deficiency, or my body has been unable to synthesize a chemical properly.
Do you know that schizophrenics are unable to synthesize the vitamin Niacin, and once upon a time, giving schizophrenics megadoses of the vitamin relieved the symptoms? The practice has fallen into disrepute since the drug companies wanted their drugs to be administered instead of the cheap Niacin, which is made from, of all things, tobacco leaves. In fact it used to be called Nicotinamide.
Anyway, Im waiting for something. Im waiting for the tons of information Ive gathered to crystallize in my head. And once it does, it gets a life of its own. Things will get done eventually. At least that's what I tell myself. Vitamin deficiencies and crystallization: my excuses of choice.