Monday, April 21, 2008

Im rich! Rich!

I received this in my mail:
British National Lottery,
28 Tan Field Road,
Croydon,London.
Ref: UK/9420X2/68
Batch: 074/05/ZY369
Dear Selected winner,
We are pleased to inform you of the final announcement today, 20th of
April, 2008 of winners of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY ONLINE PROMO, held on the 28th of January,2008.You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of
£753,437 (Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand, Four Hundred and Thirty Seven Pound Sterling) in cash credited to file XYL/26510460037/04.To file for your claim, please contact our claims agent:

Mr Phil Catford
Email:uknlclaimsdpt7@live.com
Tel: +447045718587
Provide him with the information below:
1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:

Thank you for being part of our online promotional lottery program.
Yours Truly,
Sir Steven Smith.

Let's see... GBP753,437.00 is about PHP 63,124,476.51. Mother of pearl!!

I have to think about taxes, though. With taxes, that could come to about 30M PHP. Still not bad. My schengen visa's still valid. Hmmm. Maybe I'll take that trip to Italy Ive always wanted to take. Nope. No cars. Too predictable. Unless it's a classic like a Kombi van or a Hillman Hunter or something like that. Something really ugly and cool. I'll probably buy a farm and stock it with carabaos and make mozarella and ricotta cheese. Why? Because I want to, that's why. I can afford it.

I'll need a new wardrobe. Something understated and says, "I dont care what Im wearing because Im rich you Gucci-wearing pretender." Crispa t-shirts. Plain, no prints. And jeans. Corduroys.

A will. I'll need a will. Ah, lots of stuff to do. Lots of stuff to plan.

Thank you, British National Lottery. I did not buy a ticket but you picked me just the same. I'll be eternally grateful. You'll be hearing from me, Sir Steven Smith. See you at the Round Table or wherever it is you knights hold court nowadays.

So long, peasants. You can reach me over on Easy street.

6 comments:

Preston D. said...

hahahahaha. you're in a good mood. good! you should always be in good mood.

grifter said...

i'm calling some people who know some people who know some people. easy street eh?

Jego said...

Yeah. Good mood. Im going to China. I need all the good mood I can get.

And grifter, whoever it is youre sending, I'll double whatever it is youre paying them. Nya-HAH!

grifter said...

how? by selling your nonexistent $5000 Leica? Nya-HAH!

Preston D. said...

china? what the. ei, off-topic. one catholic bishop adopts the orthodox view of hell:

http://thedivinemercy.org/news/story.php?NID=3132

Jego said...

I think all Christians should adopt the Orthodox view. My 'hallelujah' moment came way before I found out about Orthodox teaching. It was when I was reading the Bible and came upon 1Timothy 4:10: For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.

I rushed over to a Christian discussion site and tried to share with them the good news of God's love, but to a man, they rejected it, preferring to believe in a God who french-fries people for all eternity.