AVATARIZE YOURSELF

The curse mascara all addition

Try to decipher these:

Dazzle intruder snore
Dazzle intruder snore Erehwon Norse often slay
Order feels wee gore lapping older whey
Bull zone bulb tales wing marking spear its bride
Wart funny tester lapping sinner slaying zone denied

Jungle bulls, jungle bulls, jungle hall Dewey
Oh wad fanny this deriding Erehwon Norse often slay, hey!
Jungle bulls, jungle bulls, jungle hall Dewey
Oh wad fanny this deriding Erehwon Norse often slay

Soil and gnat

Soil and gnat, hoary gnat
Holler scum, hollers blight
Randy on verging murdering chide
Hoary impasto tend erring mind
Sweeping evenly piss, sweeping evenly piss

Soil and gnat, hoary gnat
Share first wake adder side
Gory steam form having a fart
Evenly hostessing holler lawyer
Cries their savories burn, cries their savories burn

Soil and gnat, hoary gnat
Sun ergot, loaves perlite
Radian beans formed aioli pace
Weed adorn ovary demon glaze
Chases load a dive earth, chases load a dive earth

Would've dread dozed ranger

Would've dread dozed ranger header varies hiney doze
End of view nether shore at hewer divans harried globes
Holiday order rangers youths a lapping column aims
Dane ethernet poo would've journey nanny ranger gains

Denoument pocky curse massive, sander caned assay,
"Would've witcher nurser blight, wench egad masse denied."
Den hour deranger slow vim Asti shattered at wiggly
Would've dread doze ranger, yawl gird darning easterly

End the end wee cunt in news

As the day of my homecoming approaches, the boredom here intensifies as I anticipate the welcoming traffic and pollution of home. But no matter. The exercise in self-amusement continues. Yap, that's what I do back in the apartment after spending my entire waking hours in The Project's warehouse where we coolies toil. So without further ado...

Cluster Ewe

Wide overt surgeonly up here

A brie tine newer knee

Jet slake midday lung tubby cluster ewe

Wide dust arse folden promise ska 

A brie tine Jew work buy

Jet slake midday lung tubby cluster ewe

Honda deed a chewer burned deranger scuttle getter

Handy sided took cratered rim cone through

Solder spring culled ghoul dashing you hear

Angled in store lightning arise a flue

Darters whey older Boysen tan

Faller ewe holler end

Jet slake midday lung tubby cluster ewe

Oil Nether Pollen Loafer Gain

Water yogurt whinger pollen loaf

Agave harping too bustiere bauble

Darts watcher girth full holier true ball

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Water yogurt win jerkies Argyle

Jew gutting nap gems two cats new mourn year

Genuine ewe due hill nether foamier

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Done Ptolemy waddy soul of art

Curse ivy and daring engladden art

At a dose change, dose change at vine Jew

Data's wire emir dough remand Jew

Water yogurt whinger pollen loaf

Ewe girden a pliers in panning Zorro

Suffer uglies and ill the marrow

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Oil nether pollen loafer gain

Disguising Loaf Witch Yew

Jersey the sky 

Disguising loaf witch yew

Juice hymen loaf 

Whole lock set Yoda weigh ado?

One use mile, icon telly Norwich udder vary will

Harken eyes owe ewe arm gland eye gateau nor ewe curse

Eye bird sun torque daisy jute ink arm pine

Juice hymen loaf 

Inuit tie due to mock human

Ptolemy nary sits sword unlet maybe delatched a gnaw

Mayans ass aching

Dough led mire art key braking curse

Honeydew loaf

High watcher loaf

Sawyering loaf and loaf widest sky

Heft nut oil juice dye

Snappity and song

Just practising. While waiting to meet my new camera already in the Motherland before I am, I decided to relieve my itchy trigger finger by taking a few pictures from my camera phone. Not the same feeling, but it'll have to do for now. By the way that's the PM for The Project above.

In the meantime, here's

Assay Alit a Friar
Term omen away cup, be four-eye futon mommy cup
Assay alit a friar faux ewe
Welcoming me air gnaw erehwon drain war tress chewer gnaw
Assay alit a friar faux ewe
Faux river, faux river yule stain ma harken oil of view
Faux river, endeavor wiener farewell parcours away loaf ewe
Turgider, turgider, the chow isthmus bee
Tulip wither chew condone Luminarc brake foamy

Iran further bustiere
Wile rye deny thing cover steer
Assay alit a friar faux ewe
A twerp adjust ache dime, enrolled rheumy coughy brake dime
Assay alit a friar faux ewe

Faux river, faux river yule stain ma harken oil of view
Faux river, endeavor wiener farewell parcours away loaf ewe
Turgider, turgider, the chow isthmus bee
Tulip wither chew condone Luminarc brake foamy

Medalling bailiff mere
Firm ethery snow wombat ewe
Fleas loamy to
A mean loaf wit ewe
Unsquirmy friar
Sail of mit chew

And the obligatory self-portrait below. 

 

Oh, the things I do to amuse myself.

The past year has been... well I hesitate to call it hell so as not to trivialize the plight of those going through hell or actually literally in hell if there is such a place as described by Dante and is a subject of debate among theologians and... Right, back to the things I do to amuse myself. Obviously I havent been blogging which, although a highly pleasurable activity takes a considerable amount of time, not to say that such time-taking is evident in the slipshod way the entries in this here blog are written. With sixty-hour work weeks spent in this project, (which we shall henceforth call The Project) with very little time for self and family, regular blogging would take a sizeable chunk of the whatever me time is left. 

Twittering on Twitter and plurking on Plurk affords me the ability to take mini-breaks, and since The Project dulls the mind and saps the soul, my brain has been limited to 140-character bursts of activity that is threatening to spill over onto my other thought processes. Unless I can do something about it.

The Project eats twelve hours a day Monday to Saturday so by the time Sunday rolls in, my energy's sapped and I have no desire to do anything other than vegetate. I realized the downward spiral I was in so before I permanently turn into a parsnip, I decided to go out. The trouble with this is Jakarta is just like Metro Manila. Once youve seen a mall, youve seen 'em all and so far malls are what are on offer. Im sure there are other places to go to in this city that isnt a mall -- Jakarta has a storied and exotic history after all, one of the hubs of the spice trade -- but for some reason, not having a camera to record the exoticity puts a damper on my desire to go exploring its more interesting nooks and crannies. I know it's a character flaw. Anyway, with my pal Grif's help, that would be remedied soon. (I had him buy me this and it arrives December via TimeBandit.) Ive gone to the old part of the city (Kota Tua) and to the Botanical Gardens in Bogor with officemates. Nothing spectacular. The Bunga Bangkai, which is a giant flower of the Rafflesia variety, wasnt even in bloom in the botanical garden, but going somewhere that isnt a mall, a bank, or an apartment was fun.

But desk-bound or couch-bound I need to take mini-breaks -- breaks that dont require me to physically leave The Project -- even for a couple of minutes. What to do? Then I remembered a story I read more than twenty years ago called Ladle Rat Rotten Hut. I remember laughing my head off when I finally got what it was about. Even after repeated readings it never fails to get a chuckle out of me.

Here are the first few lines of the story (a popular kid's tale that Im sure youve heard of):

Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry Putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset.

"Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers."

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft.

Since reading it I pay attention to how words sound which is not good for speed reading but brings me more pleasure. I enjoy writers who also take the sound the words make on paper into consideration. That story changed the way I read. And it gave me my mini-break. I have since started twittering like that, much to the consternation of my pals most probably, but I think of it as giving them a good exercise as well.

Anyway, Ive done a few, shall we say, translations of popular songs and foisted them on Plurk, a task it does so much better than Twitter, by the way, even though both have 140-character limits. Here goes (with spelling errors corrected and minor tweeks from the original Plurk version):

Tamara

Deschanel commode Tamara. Fletcher bought and hollered at Tamara Daryll Besson. 

Justin in a boat Tamara queers a wade a cud wedging the Zorro Tilda's nun.

Venoms tucking daddy dots crayon Longley, adjust pinko matching and Gwynn Nancy. Ohhhh. 

Deschanel commode Tamara, Soyuz gutter anon too Tamara kumquat neigh. 

Tamara, Tamara, high loaf yet Tamara. Ural weigh Sade aweigh.

Sinning Indurain

Arm sinning Indurain. Jet sinning Indurain. Water glower use peeling. Arm a pier gain. 

Arm loafing aft clothes solder Kappa bud. The sand sin may harken arm wordy furloughed.

Letters dorm me clothes chaste ever worn form deface. Common withering, hive ass mile-long map ace.

Ewok dangling wither a pier feign. Jet sinning, sinning Indurain.

Ear Daring Heavily Ware

Toledo beta light, honeyed mile oaf tubby ear. 

Ear, mating itched hay oft dyer. Chaining mile light wither wade offer end. New berry candy nigh dot threesome tinder.

Dare, ruining Mayans truer heir. Votive ass stinking augured dick and bee. So money's peaking bitchy dozen no wheezed hare.

A wonder heavily ware. Edit sheets betide mere Ainu oil knead leathercare. Bottle over Easter kneader heavily ware. Gnawing dot loaf Easter chair. 

Itchin' bleeding dot loaf nether dyes. Washing arise Zen doping armoire wheeze dare. 

Tubby daring heavily ware. 

Ear daring heavily ware.

Limerick-rolled

This post is dedicated to our hard-working and artificially-boobed fearless leader, who has so inspired me with her gustatory shenanigans, that I found myself littering the internet with tributes to her exquisite taste in food and wine in the verse form most fitting to her exercise in wealth-porn. I decided, since this blog has been lonely for my company -- sorry, blog, but daddy has to work -- to compile them here. Ive posted them elsewhere, in Twitter, Plurk, and blog.

There once was a girl from Pampanga
There once was a girl from Pampanga
Who, while others wallowed in hunger
Ate Le Cirque's whole menu
With her entire retinue
Of lackeys, a brood of hogmongers

The lady from Lubao
So what are we sposed to do now
With this little lady from Lubao?
Her power is such
That no one can touch
Her riches, and power, and rule now

Hog-wild
There once was a woman, a midget
Who wondered how fat would a pig get
If it dined on caviar
Smoked Havana cigars
And racked restaurant bills in six digits

Mahirap maging presidente
Mahirap maging presidente
Maraming bawal at di pwede
Pinapansin lahat
Dahil tao'y salat
Sa yaman ng 'tan8!nang dwende

Gloria's toy snail
Ang plastic na suso ni Gloria
Sinlaki't singkapal ng mukha nya
Winasak ni Mike
Parang Pampanga dike
Ang plastic na suso ni Gloria

Malagkit
Dont you just love it to bits
Our leader's in glamor and glitz
Because it's essential
To be presidential
Even when the country's in shit

My baby returns

In 2001 or 2002, or thereabouts, in the Tsinoy.com forum, a thread on the silly place names acronyms was started -- ITALY, I trust and love you, JAPAN, Just always pray at night etc.. Eventually we ran out of the existing ones and started making acronyms up for place names that didnt have any, and I took on the task of coming up with one for the motherland, and wrote this

PHILIPPINES: Pumping hot, I love it. Please, please, I need erotic stimulation.

as my contribution.  And thus I set this rather silly acronym free in cyberspace for everyone's edification. Imagine my joy when just last night, in a plurk by Marocharim, he posted for all and sundry the same acronym. It has come back to me, it's father, after all these years.

(No I have no documented proof that I am the acronym's dad. I went by the handle OrangeEgg at the time. I tried looking for it in the Tsinoy.com archives but I dont think they archive posts that old. You have to take it on faith since we're pals and all.)