She's got it. Yeah baby she's got it.

I saw a friend of mine at the mall yesterday. I wasnt near enough to say hello and besides, she was on a date with some foreign guy. She used to be president of an international organization, so she has lots of foreign friends. We worked together on a project over a year ago, travelling to places, interviewing people--heads of corporations mostly--and we had a blast.

She has a pleasant, gamine face, but she was on the chubby si-... she was fat. But she had such charm, such an open personality, such a ready intelligence, that I found her attractive. Sexy, even. She had no airs, no arte at all, and I found that so refreshing, having gotten used to maarte women--the city's full of them. Ive known beautiful women who feel theyre entitled to anything and everything just because theyre beautiful. And sometimes, you turn a blind eye to the arrogance and shallowness because you wanted to get in their pants. But sooner or later, you treat them like adults, treat them like normal people, and theyd hate that, and theyd hate you. And you say 'screw this, Im done,' dust off your palms, walk out, and swear never to come back. Which isnt easy--not for me--especially if youve fallen in love with the chick, in which case you try to make it work, try to change things, then pray for some miracle to help you walk out and swear never to come back. Dont ask. Happened to me more times than I'd care to count.

Anyway, my finding her sexy was quite a pleasant surprise for me. It means I dont consider looks as a primary criteria. I usually didnt find fat people sexy. (Im sorry. Im being honest, if not politically correct.) But I mean I wouldve boinked her if I were allowed--she was that hot. That either means my tastes have changed, with the intellect and personality overtaking looks as a measure of boinkability, or Im getting old. As you mature, looks count for less and less since it's clearer to you that looks dont last.

I sometimes think how tragic it is for some people whose sole right-to-exist is their outer beauty. They can get what they want and people will forgive them for anything just because theyre beautiful on the outside. It's a powerful force. But what happens later? What happens when their skin dries up, when their faces get wrinkly, when their boobs shrivel and sag, when their asses droop? What then? Outer beauty is a great gift. It is a gift because it isnt earned. But at the same time, it's a great responsibilty, a terrible burden, if its owner puts a high premium on it. But it's not all their fault that they put such a high premium on it. We reinforce it. We let them get away with things that we normally won't let other people with less pulchritude get away with. Most of it's our fault.

I dont know why God made some people more beautiful than others. It wouldve been easier if he made us all look the same. No freebies. One has to earn his own way based on merit and not based on looks. Unpleasant personalities would then have been eliminated from the gene pool long ago since we wouldnt have outer beauty to cloud our judgement on who we want to boink. Ask yourself: If people all looked alike, and they based their attraction on personality, would someone want to boink me? If the answer is no, you have a lot of work to do.

Psychobabble

In the shuttle, seated across from me yesterday was a familiar face. I dont know if he remembered me, but we had a run-in with each other about a year ago. This fella had a sociopathic streak in him. He would ride in the shuttle and complain audibly about anything that bugs him: the air-conditioning, the traffic--anything. He was one badass mofo, pardon my French. Usually our fellow passengers just didnt mind his tirades but somtimes someone would agree with him and theyll have a heck of a time complaining. But this didnt happen often.

About a year ago, I got into the shuttle and already in it was a, well, shall we call her big-boned? There was a big-boned lady already in the shuttle. This is going to be quite a squeeze, I thought. Next came our sociopath and he sat beside me. Then another lady came in. The shuttle seat usually sat four comfortably, but with the fat lady--let's just call her fat--we hardly had enough room. The shuttle filled up with passengers soon after and off we went. Just another routine ride to work. Later I noticed sociopath behaving rather oddly. He was mumbling and coughing and damn if he wasnt trying to cough right in my face. He'd turn his face to the side and cough. I let it pass. But he kept looking at me, look away, then mumble.

Later the other lady got to her stop and got out. At last, we had breathing room. But what's this? As sociopath was moving to the place in the seat where the lady was he elbowed me a couple of times. Just a couple of nudges; they didnt hurt at all, but enough was enough. "May problema ba, brod," I asked. Is there a problem, bub?

"Youre an asshole. You didnt give me room," he said. Yes he did use the word asshole. Asshole ka, pare, he said. He said it while glancing sideways at me, then looked away, then glancing, then looking away. Now I dont know about you, but when someone calls me an asshole, I want them to be looking right at me. So I made it easier for him. I leaned over and got into his face. "What?," I said, pretending that I didnt hear what he said, then I cocked an ear at him. I was about an inch from his face. He mumbled the same thing about me not giving him room. "Are you blind?," I asked. I was about to say, Dont you see this really fat lady over here?, but I caught myself. I just said, "It wasnt just you who was feeling cramped. We all were. So what the hell were you talking about me not giving you room? This is a shuttle, not a cab..." And on and on I went, trying to keep my voice calm and even and matter-of-fact. The fat lady tried her best to ignore us and she did a pretty good job at it. She probably had an inkling that it was her fault that we were cramped, but really, was it her fault she was fat? Anyway, after my lecture on the finer points on how to behave in a cramped shuttle, I settled down and listened to the music playing on the radio. But sociopath was still at it, mumbling, glancing at me sideways,looking away, glancing again, mumbling... This guy might try something, I thought. We'll see.

My stop came. Sociopath was sitting next to the door and he had to get out of the shuttle first so I could get off. I thought, if he was going to try something, this was it, and Im giving him that chance. He stepped out, and I followed, but I didnt go on my way. I stood there, standing squarely in front of him, looking straight into his eyes, hands on my side, with palms towards him as if to say, Let's go, bub. He stood there, too, but he didnt face me squarely, and I knew that if indeed he wanted to try something, he thought the better of it when he saw I was ready. He took a last parting sideways glance, and went back in the vehicle. Never saw him again for a year.

So yesterday, I sat right across him. But something has changed in him somehow. He had a lot less hair, was a bit gaunt, and he developed a tic. He was twitching all over the place. It was distracting. It was as if he was trying to find the most comfortable position for his head on his shoulders by adjusting the angle it rested on his neck. What happened to him? He wasnt complaining anymore. probably because there really was nothing to complain about that time, but I cant help but think that maybe, he was trying so hard to control his behavior, trying so hard to keep from being an ass, and he was successful, but he developed a tic instead. His need to bitch manifested itself in a really annoying tic.

I dont know if the run-in we had somehow affected him. I sure hope not. I wish the bozo all the best.

Culture Club

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 94% Idealist 88% Romanticist 69% Postmodernist 69% Fundamentalist 50% Existentialist 44% Materialist 31% Modernist 25% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

Reason is over-rated. A life based on reason is an evolutionary step backward. We're defined more by our desire to search for what we cannot know than the desire to search for what we can know. Our own evolution is goading us to try to break through into realms where we know we're not allowed to enter. "Life has a meaning outside of the rational." Reason is not concerned with meaning because meaning cannot be sensed. It falls outside of its grasp. We need something more than reason.

Galatea

Salvador Dali, Galatea of the Spheres, 1952

It's 1995 and Im lying on my back on the roof of the boat that's supposed to take us to Patnanongon island. It's around 2 in the morning and we won't be leaving for about 4 or 5 hours for the seven-hour trip. I cant sleep despite x bottles of beer, the cool breeze, and the gentle rocking of the boat. It's a clear, moonless night and Im looking at the sky for entertainment. Mauban in 1995 was a backwater community that made its living out of whatever was available, illegal logging one of the more lucrative areas where one could earn a buck. The streets didnt have the luxury of streetlights. And at 2 a.m. there werent any lights from the houses near the port where our boat was moored. In the sky overhead, like a luminous cloud, was the Milky Way; our home galaxy. There's just no way we're alone in the universe, I thought. But the sheer size of the spectacle overhead didnt make me feel insignificant at all. All I felt was a fascination at the immensity of the cosmos.

Fast forward to 2004. I was back in Mauban but it isnt the same Mauban of 1995. There's a huge coal-fired power plant there and it's the hub of the town's economic boom, providing jobs for the townsfolk, directly and indirectly. The power plant people gave us a tour. Nothing much to it. The plant is just a gigantic kettle boiling water and using the steam to run turbines that generate electricity. Later that night we had dinner, and then off we went to the plant's recreation house where we drank brandy and beer, played pool, smoked cigars, and videoke'd til the wee hours with our hosts. We closed the place up at around 3 a.m. It was a clear, moonless night as far as I can tell. The streets of Mauban were well-lit, the power plant saw to that. I looked up at the sky. The Milky Way was nowhere to be seen. I knew it was there but the ambient light made it impossible to see. I cant help but think of the Mauban kids who were born since 1996 when the power plant started operating. How theyll look up at the sky at night and all theyll see is the black sky with specks of light coming from a few stars here and there. They have electric lights for when they do their homework at night. They have their electric fans for when it's balmy. Theyll have TV. But they won't have the Milky Way.

You bastard! You killed my tee-e-eeaacher!

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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Those are the breaks, Blues

For the second year in a row, Chelsea crashes out of the Champions League semi-finals, losing 1-zip to Liverpool, care of a controversial goal from Luis Garcia. Ref ruled that Garcia's goal was good. And you have to hand it to the Mersey squad. They kept their cool amidst Chelsea's onslaught.

It was a good run. Carling Cup and the Premiere League title for 2005. Well done.

El Greco, View of Toledo c. 1597

Ive always admired Domenikos Theotokopoulos, better known as El Greco ever since I did a report on his life in high school. Looking at this painting of Toledo, youd think this painting is from the late 1800's, during the time of Van Gogh or the Impressionists. In fact, his paintings were 're-discovered' in the late 1800s after languishing in obscurity; he was simply ahead of his time. His bold renderings of landscapes and portraits prefigured Modern Art wherein the artist isnt merely trying to capture reality, but is seeking to add a transendence, an almost mystical quality, to his paintings, inspiring such Moderns as Picasso.